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Saturday, July 10th, 2004

Posted by:morbid_pyro.
Time:9:14 pm.
I like tacos!
Comments: 2 online enrolments - Enrol Online.

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2004

Subject:Official Killing Contest!
Posted by:ms_coffee.
Time:6:34 pm.
It's official, Hunters Florence Esperanza Arwen and Roland Dolores are having a killing contest! That means one of them is definately going to die, and that means you have one less hunter to worry about.

Love y'all.

Principal Vittie Coff-ay
Head Girl
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Monday, April 19th, 2004

Posted by:ms_coffee.
Time:6:46 pm.
Headmistress Vittoria Coffee has been admitted to Hospital in a possibly fatal condition after being poisoned by persons unknown.
Romeo and Juliet rehearsals are hereby called off until further notice and lessons will be cancelled for a week.
Students please keep alert. There is a murderer in your midst.

Miss Coffee's new Secretary, Elizabeth Sparrow
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Sunday, April 4th, 2004

Posted by:ms_coffee.
Time:7:04 pm.
William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet
After a long and grueling process, the actresses for this play have officially been chosen.
Female cast are as follows:

Juliet Capulet will be played by Honey Highway opposite Romeo Rodriguez who is playing Romeo Montague.
The Nurse will be played by Milky Longway
Lady Capulet will be played by Miss Tubesock
Lady Montague will be played by Akuko Cazuko Depavaki (or in the english dubbed version) Peaches
Capulet house girls will be played by Chesty McBigbreast, Elizabeth Swann, Luna Lovegood, Goody Putnam, Nia Bluefin, Eowyn Jr III, Anastasia Kowalski, Kitty Pryde and Amy Heggleton.
Montague house girls will be played by Virginia Weasley, Elaine Marley Threepwood, Whitney Britney and Titney Adams, Vivian Kenzington, Satamp Keshnakov and Hilary Duff.
Towns people girls will be played by Ima Mann, Blanche Dobois, Marietta Edgecombe, Alicia Umbox, Jean Grey, Carrie Anne Moss, Renee Rottingham and Delta Goodrem.

Thankyou to all the Sues who auditioned to what will certainly be a magnificant play. Please practise your lines before you go to sleep. Practises are Tuesdays and Thursdays after school. It is also required that Juliet , the Montague girls and Capulet girls take the new Renaissance Dancing classes being organised especially for this play by Miss Vittoria Coffee, head mistress girl. You will practise your dancing every Monday and Wednesday with your Gary Stu partners, who you will meet next week. Sexual intercourse during class is of course prohibited.
–The Crew

P.S: Oh yeah and Cornith whats-her-name plays um the chick who Romeo digs before Juliet.
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Monday, March 29th, 2004

Posted by:ms_coffee.
Time:6:37 pm.
The Gary Stu auditions are over righ na. I was over there bout 30 m's ago and the auditions were fa-bo-LOS. There was this fella there who I just know'll get the parta Romeo, cos he just kicked ass and his name just happens</b> to be Romeo Rodriguez.

Mary Sue Auditions are this Friday after school</b>. DON'T FORGET.

I guarantee if yous don't turn up to the auditions and make me cancel the play, none o' the Gary Stus would wanna get jiggy with it, word?
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Friday, March 19th, 2004

Posted by:ms_coffee.
Time:6:49 pm.
Tryouts have been postponed til Monday after school.
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Wednesday, March 17th, 2004

Subject:Important announcement - I've written this so many times i've lost count so PAY ATTENTION
Posted by:ms_coffee.
Time:7:32 pm.
The Mary Sue Academy and the Gary Stu Institute's relationship has been at an all time low for the past eight months. I have been pondering over the most clicheed way to improve our relationship, and have decided that the MCA and the GSI are going to join together to put on a production of William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
We will be hiring a crew consisting of the top twenty greatest broadway play organisers in the world to come design the costumes and do the sound, lights and makeup.
If you are interested in being part of this Fuckin great...oh shit I'm so sick of re-writin this production, go to the main hall and press the pink button near the biggest window and a script will come out of the pidgeon hole. Tryouts will be tomorrow after class in the Maralyn Monroe Memorial Performing Arts Centre. It certainly will be a wonderful chance to socialise with the males from the Gary Stu Institute for boys. I urge anybody who wants to be part of this to step forward and try out, it really is a once in a life time opportunity.

Signed, ms Vittoria Coffee.</s>

P.S: Oh and before y'all ask, Punani-kissers aren't allowed to try out for guy parts, that's like what the Gary Stu school is for. Uh, yeah.
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Friday, February 6th, 2004

Posted by:goddess_marysue.
Time:10:44 am.
For those of you who decided to ditch their assigned groups during the shopping excursion i am not amused.
By ignoring the buddy system you will be punished by having your credit cards cancelled.
You all have three seconds to return to the dog shaped fountain or you shall be expelled.
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Monday, February 2nd, 2004

Posted by:goddess_marysue.
Time:8:13 pm.
Attention all students and currently registered Mary Sue's the sixth annual Mary Sue Spring shopping excursion will be held on Friday the 5th of February. Remember this is the day when all designer outlets are forced to give Mary Sue's who carry their identification cards a %75 percent discount on all clothing, shoes, accessories jewelry and beauty products. This sale is enforced by the Mary Sue Realm council in order to ensure that all our Sue's are prepared for the spring/summer Mary Sue season which is always our busiest.
Special charter buses will be gathering outside Mary Sue academy at 6 am so remember to be prepared for twenty four hours of retail fun!

Yours and perfect , Goddess Mary Sue.
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Monday, January 12th, 2004

Posted by:goddess_marysue.
Time:11:16 am.
Ms Vittoria Coffee will be permitted to enter the Mary Sue realm for one day a week how ever she will remain in armoured escort at all times.
She is forbidden from entering the Mary Sue estate, or my own private grounds.
Ms Vittoria Coffee will only be allowed to enter the Mary Sue realm on a saturday and as of yet she has not regained her position as the head mistress.
Comments: 2 online enrolments - Enrol Online.

Friday, January 9th, 2004

Posted by:hunter_sue.
Time:7:56 pm.
Arwen is sitting on her bed, holding a sword and a rag covered in Stotch’s Extra Shimmer Window Polish. She smiles at her newly polished weapon and runs two of her fingers down the blade, watching their reflection in the sword for some time. She debates on getting off her bed when a gold shimmer in the reflection catches her eye. Looking back at her reflection, she notices the gold pendant on her long necklace, shaped like a large coin with a sneering skull in the middle, is looking a bit dull. As she picks up the polishing rag, there is a knock at her door, and a male voice asking to come in. She permits their entry in a tired, low voice. The lead Hunter opens the door and asks what she is doing. She doesn’t reply, but merely casts a look at the sword lying on the maroon quilt. He can already tell she’s not in a talkative mood.
“Soo, polishing your weapons again I see?” Says Dominique.
“Yup.” She says, eyes downcast. “I like to keep them in good condition.”
“You keep them in good condition about three times a day actually…and you haven’t used that sword for quite some time.”
“…I like this sword.” Replies Arwen.
“Oh.” Says Dominique, trying to fill the awkward silence. Arwen begins staring at him with a ‘leave my room’ expression, making him feel a bit unsettled.
“Your uh… pendant looks different.” Says the Hunter, breaking the silence. Arwen looks slightly uncomfortable and avoids eye contact completely.
“I polished it.”
“You polish your pendant with window wash?” Smirks Dominique, outstretching his hand. “May I see it?”
“No, because I don’t take it off.” Replies Arwen a bit too quickly.
“Are you serious?” Says Dominique, taking his hand away.
“Like a fox,” Says Arwen almost insultingly.
Silence again.
“This - isn’t like the cursed ring of Plunder Island that almost killed Bernard is it?” Says Dominique with a sort of forced laugh, standing by the edge of her bed. “That was rather amusing, his toenails are still made of gold.”
“No, my pendant is completely different.” She replies.
“I’ve always wondered about it, may I inquire as to how you got it?” Asked Dominique, as though waiting to hear her life story. “Family Heirloom perhaps?”
“I got it a few years ago.” Says Arwen, nervously hiding the pendant down her red shirt. “I haven’t taken off the necklace since I got it.”
Dominique seemed slightly surprised. “That’s interesting…that’s very interesting.”
“I suppose you want details.” Says Arwen, avoiding eye contact. “I’m not in the mood, so if you’ll excuse me.”
“Everybody else in the castle is playing poker, and I’m so sick of that game.” Says Dominique. “I’m in the mood for a good chat, so details would be good.”
“Ooh up for a good chat, you’re so manly.” Says Arwen scathingly.
“What is it about that necklace that you don’t want to talk about?” Says Dominique quietly, looking slightly concerned.
"What do you care, Dommie-nik?" She mutteres.
“Every time it comes up in conversation you hide it down your shirt and change the subject!" Dominique snaps, his voice getting louder. "I need to know Arwen, we've had bad experiences with pendants - is this thing going to be a threat to our guild or not?"
“It’s the one thing I need more than anybody I know, or anything I own, alright?” Snaps Arwen, loudly. Then she suddenly looks fearful as though she has just insulted somebody who was holding a knife to her throat. Dominique looks slightly puzzled.
“Maybe you should give Vittoria a call, she’s always very talkative.” Says Arwen, looking terrified. “Please leave.”
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Thursday, January 8th, 2004

Subject:SO TRUE!
Posted by:casina.
Time:10:02 pm.
Goddess_marysue in Peers and Absent Danger
goddess_marysue (Mika Boorem) has lost the support of the Student Representative Council. Shortly after winning the votes of the boys with her good looks, her unceasing Internet surfing is all too real, and ms_coffee, her friend's sister (Emilie Fran?is), is uninterested. amassed_odium (Tom Welling) organises a snide remark. A movie for girls, and girls at heart.
Produced by ianiceboy
Comments: 1 online enrolment - Enrol Online.

Thursday, December 25th, 2003

Posted by:ms_coffee.
Time:6:58 pm.
"And then she goes and threatens to blab to the higher powers," Whispers Vittoria, pushing her head closer to her friend so the people in the pub can't hear.
"No," Whispers Arwen. "I don't believe you!"
"Yep, she did." Whispered Vittoria, eyes downcast. "So let's suppose someone does that to you, what would y'all have done?"
"Well I would've gone to this so called higher power and killed them." Says Arwen, shrugging. "So my friend can't tell them."
Vittie smiles evily. "And if this higher power can't be killed?"
Arwen takes a sip out of her baileys and swishes it around her mouth, as though pondering an answer. She puts her glass down and shrugs. "Well it'd suck, but I'd have to kill my friend."
Vittie's smile widens even more. "Flo, you're like my soulmate!!" She exclaims, throwing her arms around her. "I mean nobody'd ever understand y'know?"
"I get you," Says Arwen, patting Vittoria awkwardly on the back. "I don't see why other people wouldn't understand...maybe you could be a hunter with me, it'd be cool." She adds shyly, and Vittie lets go.
"Hmm, Huntin' wit you...Well I've gotta tell y'all about some other ambitions o' mine..." Says Vittie, who smiles and picks up her baileys glass. "Besides, I'd break my nails."
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Sunday, December 14th, 2003

Subject:Narrative: Twilight Croquet [by Heather and Casina]
Posted by:amassed_odium.
Time:1:25 am.
The clock is five minutes away from striking one, and the guests slowly shuffle on the gravel path towards the manor, careful not to dirty their white sport clothes. Dom looks at his watch and smiles excitedly, 'Right on time'.
He opens the door gallantly for the guests to enter and winks at the figure of Roland with his trolley full of scones.
* * *

Mary immediately nods to Edgar from her position amongst the rafters. The wicked duet have lined several buckets filled with soapy water and with a brief nod Edgar begins to push them off the roof causing them to crash all over Dom and his guests.
* * *

"Welcome to the twilight Croquet party!" he smiles charmingly at Mrs Dolores, who was busily fastening her now soaked shawl.
"I hope the weather improves," She says in a somewhat senile manner.
"Don't worry Ma'am, this party shall be held indoors".
Mary immediately swans down the stairs resplendent in ostrich feathers her chestnut hair wound around her neck.
"Why Mrs Dolores it's so delightful of you to attend our little swarray! Unfortunately my associate Mr Odium is currently suffering from acute constipation and needs to see a doctor."
Dom turns around and smiles at her triumphantly. "Delightful weather for indoor croquet don't you agree Sue?"
He slides her arm around Mrs Dolores's and takes her to the drawing room "Do not worry about her, she is suffering the tenth month of pregnancy. Awful hormones!"
"I know all about hormones!" Mrs Dolores nods agreeably.
"Delightful weather for removing the pole out of your arse don't you agree Mr Odium?" Mary called after him.
"My she's certainly carrying it well, I can barely see a bump!" she added as an after thought.
"I know! Its fantastic!" he cries behind his shoulder.

"Don't be silly Mrs Dolores, she's a Mary Sue. These things work out perfectly. I hear she's having quadruplets too," he whispers politely into her ear. He pats Roland's shoulder and looks at the scones. "My they look scrumptious. Did your mother help?" and winks charmingly at Mrs Dolores.
"So are you the father you old goat?" Roland asked loudly.
"Certainly. What ever do you expect of housemates?" He replies loudly so all five hundred guests can hear. The crowd goes silent and stares at Mary Sue.
"Oh don't be silly dommie bear, why everyone knows what happened to you after that awful war in Vietnam" she smiled cheerfully after a moments pause.
"Ah but you nursed me back to life, all night too my dear." He grins wickedly and passes the milk. "Anyway, enough about our sex life, whose in for some tea?"
"The tea's been fed to the elephant," said Mary Sue nodding to her own apprentice Corinth who was eyeing Roland with hungry eyes. Corinth nods eagerly and swallows when she caught Roland's gaze.
"That's alright, I have some kept in storage." He pulls out some china teapots from a contraption in the floorboards. "You don't mind me sharing my carpentry skills do you darling?" and begins pouring the tea.
"Oh of course not sweetheart, as long as you make your own coffin!" she laughed happily.
"Ill make us a set" he smiles.
"Its so hard to see such commitment these days!" Exclaimed Mrs. Dolores happily and held Mary Sue's hand with a twinkle in her eye. "You're so lucky, my ex husband told me to rot in hell - alone!"
"Oh Dom tells me that all the time," Mary said shooting the Mary Sue Hunter a furious look.
Dom smiles happily and began handing out the croquet bats. "Would you care to join Sue? I think you'd be delighted to see what type of course we made with the lounge room."
"Oh my me." Mary Sighed, her fists clenching with anger.

Everyone gathered and into the lounge room and started to bat the ball about for about five minutes before the doors burst open and several packs of dogs swarmed into the manor, barking madly.
"AHA!" Screeched Mary with triumph.
The master of the hunt strode into the lounge room his antlers glistening in the light, he was also wearing a bow tie.
Dom raised an eyebrow at Mary as the dogs started chasing the hunters around the room. Roland and Dom looked at each other, equally amused. Dom looked the master up and down distastefully at his clashing gold tie and silver tuxedo.
"Gate crashing again?"
" I was invited foolish demi god," roared the master of the hunt.
" Kill" he said mildly and his hounds attacked the hunters clawing into their throats.
"Oh dear, look what I've done" said Mary faking distress.
"Demi God?" Dom's mouth twitched in amusement and glared at Mary "Don't worry darling, I'm sure the blood would leave a lovely souvenir on the carpet."
He picked up a nearby cup of tea and began sipping it non-chalantly. "Roland can you please start the engine of the chariot and get some of the trolls to collect the rest of the hunters home. I've got a game to settle with your mother."
In the background Mrs. Dolores could be heard: "I just LOVE puppies!"
Mary snarled with surprise and turned to the master of the hunt.
"Why aren't they attacking this cretin?" she snapped and the Master of the hunt stared at her calmly.
"He is not a hunter," he told her and Mary's mouth widened with shock.
Dom, who happened to be listening in on a bunch of hunter's mothers and Mary Sues chatter about puppies swiveled his hips tauntingly as he readied his shot.

Meanwhile Corinth sidled towards Roland by the chariot and glared at him "Why do your kind keep coming back when you're not wanted?"
" I am wanted, my fearless leader invited me" said Roland mildly turning away from her with disinterest.
"Besides Ms Highway should be arriving as soon as she's located her curling iron"
Corinth glared at Roland "Well my master does not want you here, or any of your kind. And why aren't the dogs attacking him?!" She pointed demandingly at Dom.
"Why don't you figure that out for yourself Ms Smytheforde?" he chuckled wandering off.
"YOU SUCK YOU BIG SUCKY THING LIKE THE SUCKIEST THING EVER!" She cried desperately behind him and pouted childishly.
" Rollie bear!" Honey's voice suddenly shrieked as she ran towards him, tripping in her kitten heels, she was of course dressed in a feather trimmed see-through camisole. She immediately threw herself as him and he picked her up swirling her around in the air.
"You were saying Ms Corinth?" he asked.
Corinth's expression melted as she saw Honey and smiled wearily. "Hello Honey. Sorry I have to go now, the goddess wants me."
" Lets go do it in this wheel thingy!" Honey shrieked and Roland and Honey disappeared into the chariot.

* * *

Mrs. Dolores's team was ten scores in front of the other team, to the Master of Hunt's dismay - who happened to be highly invigorated by the game. The hunters, meanwhile, were still struggling desperately to rid the dogs off their clothes. Most of them were nearly naked, to the attentive gaze of the Mary Sues.
Dom passed some scones to Mary Sue. "If you try to bend lower to look down the bat you might actually hit one in," he smirked.
"Sod off" she suggested, whacking him in the shins with her mallet.
"Feisty. You mustn't be getting enough sleep."
" Why the hell are you doing this?" Mary Sue suddenly asked, tossing the mallet carelessly onto the floor.
"I'm only obeying the rules you gave me. Perhaps you should have converted something to metric."
"You know what I mean you rude cad!" she shrieked with frustration.
"Such as?" He raised his eyebrow in an infuriatingly relaxed fashion.
"Your personality disorders! You're up, you're down - you're totally out of control!"
"I think you should remind yourself of your own composure." He said distractedly as Mrs. Dolores walloped the Master of Hunt with her mallet.
"I just don't understand the way you treat me" she admitted sheepishly and she marched off to the buffet table.
"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us," He muttered to the audience and signaled for them to stop. It was 1:25am exactly and the guests slowly departed, waving enthusiastically.
Mary Sue groaned rolling her eyes and wondered briefly where her vodka went.

Mrs. Dolores, supported by her other ten sons looked at Dom as she was about the step into the carriage "Dom dear, have you seen Roland?"
"No idea ma'am" he frowned. Roland had been missing for the past five minutes.
She smiled happily and opened the door "Well he knows his way home, we're having roast mutton tonight!"
"At this hour?"
"Never too early for supper!"
She opened the carriage door and shrieked.
" Hello Mrs. Rollies mum!" Honey smiled, strapping on her bra.
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Monday, December 15th, 2003

Subject:Narrative: The Suitcase
Posted by:amassed_odium.
Time:9:50 am.
It had been two days since Dom had spoken or seen Mary Sue since the twilight party, and she unmistakedly thought he had given up his ways. However, in this time he was busily building an elevated second floor and west wing to his shed and installed a clear glass roof to the remaining part of the shed where he placed about twenty five pots into the crammed space. The whole shed seemed to defy gravity - in a very godly manner. His one servant, a weedy looking adolescent who seems to emanate imcompetance was burdenned with the task of holding twenty five tonnes of bricks and passing each one to him as Dom casually added more.
Mary Sue approached his shed with an annoyed expression on her face.
"Just what do you think you're doing?" She demanded.
Dom looked over his shoulder from the step ladder and waved obnoxiously. "Good morning Sue dear, I was just adding some extensions as you can tell."
"How did you get all that material? I told you only one suitcase was allowed!"
"Well you see, Roland ever so kindly offered to help me transport the pots and well the rest... dont you worry it was all in a suitcase."
"What?!" She cried in disbelief.
"I had Mary Poppins tamper a bit with it." He said calmly.
"I demand to inspect this suitcase of yours!" Mary Sue stamped her foot down in authority.
"If you happen to run into it. Ever heard of sapient pearwood?" Dom was currently stepping down from his ladder to busy himself with measuring the soil pH.
"Something vaguely about it, its from that turtle fandom isnt it?"
"Discworld, close." He corrected, "My suitcase is made of a close relative of this, however something must have attracted its attention because I have since not seen it since - "
Dom was cut short by a loud burp emanating from Mary Sue's bedroom.
"Did I mention that it loves to devour old-lady styled underwear?"
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Saturday, December 13th, 2003

Subject:Twilight Croquet!
Posted by:amassed_odium.
Time:8:51 pm.
Comments: 28 online enrolments - Enrol Online.

Sunday, December 7th, 2003

Subject:Another Vittie Narrative
Posted by:ms_coffee.
Time:7:22 pm.
“And then y’all had to be geese in 24 hours?!” Exclaims Keira.
“I honestly don’t remember doin’ it, in fact I don’t really think I did it,” Says Vittie, as a few of her peeps gasp. “But I guess the elephant had it comin’.”
“What kind of a name is Enid anyways?” Says Ulanda. “This Mary chickenqueen’s prolly got somethin up her ass.”
Vittie’s laughs echo through the alley. She smiles and looks around her, her old friends sitting around her enthralled in her accounts of what had happened while she was away. Their hobo fire flickers in front of her, it is not exactly essential, but her friends always used to light them for the thrill of breaking the law. She fiddles with the bead necklaces around her neck that her girlfriends made her. “I’ve really missed you guys.” She whispers.
“Ya know Vitt-ay, I think you’re losin’ your lingo!” Says Tyrese. A few giggles from the crowd are heard.
Vittie laughs again and puts on an english accent. “Whatever do you mean old boy? You know I would never dream of forgetting my street language.”
“I remember y’all said a few years back… that the day y’all talked like a scholar was the day Marshal Mathers’d be a famous rapper.” Laughs Kiera.
“Okay, so I didn’t think he’d be famous,” Vittie smirks. “I guess the irony’s kinda intriguing.”
“I’ve never heard you say words like ‘intriguing’ before,” Smiles Kiera.
“Yeah well.” Mutters Vittie, turning scarlet. “The head hunter guy, he talks…I mean he’s kinda…well, he’s cool.”
Squeals from her girlfriends are heard from around the alley.
“So this is the infamous big D huh?” Says Ulanda.
Vittie falls back onto Kiera and Ulanda who are sitting behind her. As they put their arms around her, she closes her eyes and smiles.
“More like little D,” Mumbles Vittie, giggling. “I guess he’s the flyest fella I’ve met over there.”
Comments: 2 online enrolments - Enrol Online.

Friday, December 5th, 2003

Subject:Attention students
Posted by:goddess_marysue.
Time:7:40 pm.
Until further notice all classes will be held in the Tempest Dewstorm memorial ballroom. All students who reside in the Dorothy Gale dormitories will be moved to the old Anne Shirley dormitories.

Yours professionally Goddess Mary Sue.
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Sunday, November 30th, 2003

Posted by:morbid_pyro.
Time:7:50 pm.
I do believe my lord and master has completally become a manic depressive.
For this I blame you entirely.
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Friday, November 21st, 2003

Subject:Attention Amassed Odium.
Posted by:goddess_marysue.
Time:8:10 pm.
Its green, such a manly colour!

Now quit your whining old man.
Comments: 38 online enrolments - Enrol Online.

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View:Website (Mary Sue Academy Year Book).
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